When I was young, my parents often talked with me about all sorts of things, including God and the world. They said the world has a lot of amazing things, but it is also broken. People hurt hurt each other and themselves. That humanity was in trouble and the problems are too large for us to fix on our own. I did not think much of it at first. But I realized I made mistakes that hurt people.1
As I grew up, I realized there was a God and that He was not sitting idly by as humanity was destroyed. He had personally come to earth to set things right, but not in a way in which humans might expect. He first died so that our spirits could be renewed. Only later will the outward order of the world be fixed. Why? So that, the wrongs of humanity might be punished, and justice preserved, but at the same time, people be given a second chance. This made sense to me since there are things in all of our pasts we cannot change. Forgiving all without a cost is not just. But holding us all to account would be painful for the loving Father God.
One evening, in our living room, while sitting on our sofa, I asked God for His help and invited Him to take an active role in my life. God has given us a choice, to admit our mistakes and accept His offer, or to refuse. This freedom is preserved, even if much of our life circumstances are not up to us.
Unfortunately, I took this help for granted for years and years. To me, duty and obligation were the pillars of a good life. Keep from bad and do good. I tried to be social and perform well in school. I had periods of feeling these things were dull and repetitive. I realized later this is something almost everyone who grows up a "church kid" experiences. My parents asked me to stick with it. They painted a vision of it being more exciting as I got older... and they were right.
The first two years of high school presented both new joys and new sorrows. I struggled with depression and stress. I was also confronted with the fact that God wishes for people to associate with Him out of love and respect for Him, not duty. Duty was how I had done things as long as I could remember. I wasn't sure how to maintain other feelings. I felt more like I was living between two worlds.
My deepest spiritual crisis was the summer before my sophomore year with the death of my 13 year old sister. I was only 16 at the time. She died suddenly in the emergency room at the hospital. I was not even in town. Her heart gave out after a tearing of her aorta. She'd had a risk of this since birth but I never really thought it would happen. It caught me completely off guard. Life became strange and tragic. I was faced with regrets at time wasted.
For most of the next year, the tragedy served to free me to be as sad and feel as much as I wanted. I had already been wrestling with my beliefs and my sense of duty. Now I could be as angry or irresponsible as I wanted without people blaming me. I directed some of this anger at God. He was free to leave. I wasn't interested in His guidance.
But I knew there wasn't much else to turn to. I knew better than to really believe that a girl could solve my problems. I had already done well academically and knew it was not going to be unfulfilling in its own right. I was never drawn to drugs with all their consequences. I wasn't sure where joy could be found. As an introvert, I did a lot of gaming and a lot of reading. I think God used this period of my life to free me ever so slightly from duty. To prevent me from becoming a hardened, heartless Pharisee.
I've discovered that terrible things happen. Yet God is still good. I watched my parents endure greater hardships than I. I couldn't deny many, many people had it worse. People hurt and are hurt but they pulled through so much better than I could have imagined. I how God's promises of eternal life,2 taking care of us here on earth,3 and of His love for us4 are very applicable. God is not just a director or ruler. We will never be rid of all the hurt here, but we can do better than endure it.
As an adult, I have faced decisions which affect others lives. I've had to speak hard words to close friends. I've seen lots of people change their minds and their lives in positive ways. The sort of Christian work I worried would be boring has been rewarding and challenging. I used to think I would never teach, or help people, or succeed much at friendships. God has proven me wrong.
There are a lot of spiritual beliefs out there. Some feel we're determined to believe the path we're born into. I don't agree at all. I've had every opportunity to leave and watched dozens do so. I know people who have radically changed direction from how they were raised. I still fear about misusing time but I no longer fear wasting my life. What God offers is security in the next life, and a worldwide adventure in this one. The problems are bigger than we can solve, we need a greater Power. What God offers lasts more than a lifetime.
It's free to anyone who asks.5
1. "The person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as the person who has broken all of God's laws" (James 2:10). If we are not perfect, then we bear some degree of guilt. If we've done anything wrong, then justice demands that be accounted for. Unfortunately, I have broken far more than just one law. "The wages of sin ("mistakes") is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus" (Romans 6:23). I do not not make this up out of wishful thinking.
2. "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'" (John 11:25-26).
3. "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows" (Matthew 2:29-31). There are hundreds of assurances like this.
4. "He has rescued us from the one who rules in the kingdom of darkness, and he has brought us into the Kingdom of his dear Son. God has purchased our freedom with his blood and has forgiven all our sins." (Colossians 1:13-14)
5. "For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved." (Romans 10:9-10) "God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." (Ephesians 2:8-9).
1.15.2021
